Let’s be real: if I had a coin for every time someone told me they were “doing shadow work” but were actually just journaling about their ex for the 13th night in a row… I’d probably buy a really cute, slightly haunted villa in southern France.
So let’s clarify something right away.
Shadow work is not just talking to your inner child. It’s not just crying on your yoga mat. And it’s not about fixing what’s “wrong” with you.
Shadow work, when done right, is one of the most powerful portals I know to embodied wholeness, confidence, and actual behavioral change.
It’s the difference between knowing what your patterns are and finally shifting them.
And I promise you, it doesn’t have to be scary.
So… What Is Shadow Work, Really?
Shadow work is the sacred and uncomfortable process of turning toward the parts of yourself you’ve learned to hide, reject, or shame, and gently inviting them back into wholeness.
These “shadow parts” are usually traits you were told (directly or indirectly) were not okay to express – things like anger, selfishness, arrogance, sensitivity, sensuality, or even confidence and ambition. Maybe you were praised for being the good girl, the quiet one, the helper…
So you exiled those parts, sent them underground with the hope of never seeing them again… but you and me both know that nothing ever ceases to exist in this universe, it just takes on a different form, so instead, they start acting out in subtle, unhealthy ways, showing up as:
- Self-sabotage
- Judgment toward others
- Self-doubt
- Unexplained emotional triggers
- Resistance towards your own power
Shadow work is the process of meeting those parts with compassion and curiosity, instead of shame or avoidance, and learning how to bring them back home and integrate them so they’re no longer hijacking your day-to-day life from backstage.
How the Shadow Gets Formed
Let’s go back to where it usually starts: A moment in childhood (or early life) where a part of you got the message: “This isn’t welcome here.”
It might have been:
- Expressing anger and being told you were “too much”
- Being sensitive and learning to “toughen up”
- Shining brightly and being met with envy or rejection
- Speaking your truth and being shut down
So your system, brilliantly and lovingly, hid that part away.
It said, “Okay. If this gets me rejected, I don’t want anything to do with it”
The only problem is that that part of you didn’t die. It just learned to speak in code. And it’s been trying to get your attention ever since.
How Shadow Work Is Different From Inner Child Healing or Journaling
Let’s clear something up, I love inner child work. Journaling is sacred (I do it every morning 🤓). But if you stop there, you’re only halfway through the maze.
Shadow work asks:
- What am I afraid would happen if I fully expressed this part of me?
- Where do I secretly judge others for something I’m not letting myself have?
- What part of me shows up in sneaky ways, and what is it actually trying to protect?
And when done properly, it can lead to:
- Clearer boundaries
- More authentic expression
- Less drama, more sovereignty
- A wildly magnetic relationship with your inner truth
You basically stop trying to manifest confidence… and just become someone who holds it naturally (and that’s the whole point, isn’t it?).
Shadow Work Doesn’t Have to be “Dark”
Your shadow isn’t just made of your “negative” traits, it’s also made of all the brilliant, powerful, magnetic aspects and qualities that you’ve never believed you have. The version of you that’s:
- Radiantly self-trusting
- Fiercely intuitive
- Unapologetically taking up space
- Speaking with clarity
- Going after what she wants without asking for permission
But if you grew up in environments where those things weren’t safe or welcome… they got shadowed, too. And it can actually lead to us believing that expressing any of those “lighter” or more powerful behaviors will get us rejected too.
See how tricky this can be?
How Shadow Work Actually Changes You
If I can assume something about you… it’s that you’re not here for theory. You’re here because something in you is done. Done with hiding. Done with self-doubt. Done with doing all the work but still not feeling different.
Here’s what happens when you start doing shadow work regularly (especially if you bring in tools like parts work, somatic integration, or archetype work – all things I offer in my 1:1 sessions):
- You recognize your triggers faster (and meet them with compassion)
- You stop leaking energy or acting out old programming / behavior
- You get clearer about what’s yours to carry, and what’s projection
- You reclaim parts of yourself you didn’t even know you’d lost
And most importantly, you start feeling like it’s safe to express your own truth.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’re feeling like this isn’t just another blog post but an actual nudge from your soul to meet yourself more fully, here’s what I recommend:
👉 Start with the 20+ pages workbook: The Shadow Work Workbook (very original name, I know) where you shine light on your shadow, and start to get to know an inner aspect of you that’s been calling for your attention
👉 Or book a 1:1 shadow work journey with me.
Together, we’ll explore your shadow with grounded tools, warmth, and a good dose of mischief. (No serious guru vibes here, I promise.)
I’m so glad you’re here.
Xx,
Elinor
For transparency, this post is written in collaboration with my friend ChatGPT.
Sacred Unmasking 