Saturday morning. My body is aching, my mind racing, and Mr Depression is knocking on the door. I can feel the heaviness and the overwhelm like a wet blanket weighing on my fragile body – thoughts spiraling into dark places I’m far too acquainted with.
“You’re not doing enough.”
“You’re letting your fear stop you again.”
“You just have to work harder and push through.”
“Everyone else is doing it, how hard can it be?”
“You’re a failure, you will never succeed like the rest of them.”
Desperately, I try to defend my worth, but after a short while of inner battle, I surrender to the dark thoughts. The tiny bit of motivation I had mustered up to get the day started has left the building.
I lean over and put my forehead on the kitchen table. Waves of despair are showering over me as salty tears form patterns on my cheeks.
A delta of despair.
“I wish someone could hold me”, I hear a tiny voice crying. “I could really use a hug right now”.
The voice takes me by surprise, but I immediately know that I need to do everything in my power to help the little girl.
“I know, this is really hard for you. You’re going through something painful, and your emotions are so, so valid. You matter, and you make sense”, I hear myself comforting her. And instinctively, I put my arms around myself and hug myself, slowly rocking back and forth in a soothing motion.
The dark thoughts that had taken over my inner battlefield retreat, and soon I feel the muscles in my body relaxing and letting go. I feel the relief of the little girl and her gratitude for helping her out of her prison.
And just like that, something shifts. I can feel a surge of energy moving through my body. Lightness and inspiration gently lift the heavy blanket from my body.
“I deserve to be happy.”
“I don’t have to do things the same way as everyone else.”
“I don’t have to fit into the mold.”
And from this place, I ask the little girl: “What do YOU want to create? What would feel fun and joyful for YOU to do today?”
“I want to write. I want to tell a story. I want to pick strawberries. I want to dress up in something beautiful and wear colorful makeup. I want to eat something nourishing. I want to meet new people and listen to their story. I want to be of service. I want to contribute to something meaningful.”, she replies.
I let her go on until she’s finished, taking mental notes of all her needs and desires, promising to do my best to honor each and every one of them. If not today, then tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow.
I find myself picking up my computer and starting to write, words flowing through me in an unfiltered stream of consciousness.
“It really gets to be this easy”, I say to myself, and hit ‘publish’.
Sacred Unmasking 